I recently received a request for a donation to help the party stop Justin Trudeau. There was some urgency attached to this request, and so doing my patriotic duty, I journeyed over to the party’s website and Twitter to see what the party was doing to stop Mr. Trudeau, and what it was they were stopping him from doing. Once I arrived there, I found the following articles:
- “Conservative Women” discussing how the Conservative Party is the Party of Feminism and Diversity.
- “Free the Beer” decrying the injustice about not being able to transport alcohol across provincial lines.
- “Liberals vote to outsource Canadian jobs.”
- “The Liberal Tax on Small Businesses.”
- “The Trudeau’s Family Vacation.”
- “Liberal Party Office Budgets.”
- And finally, and perhaps most appropriately, “Protect Your Vote,” decrying attempts by Mr. Trudeau to change the electoral system.
One cannot help but recall, with no little amount of irony, how you crucified the Liberals over their opposition to the universal childcare benefit when advisor Scott Reid infamously stated that the benefits would simply be “beer and popcorn money,” and now it seems you have become the party of beer and popcorn.
The small business tax cut, the vote to outsource (a couple hundred) Canadian jobs, and the vacation and office budgets only amount to perhaps a dollar or two per person, even if those three hundred jobs were saved and everything listed on your website was cut 100%, it would amount to about $2 per person on average which I suppose is enough to buy a package of microwave popcorn to go along with the recently Liberated Beer.
On a certain level, I have to applaud the honesty. Truth be told, ultimately this is all you can really say in criticism of the current government, as there is little more than beer and popcorn as difference between the two of you. The Liberals much prefer weed to beer and two dollars isn’t quite enough to purchase certified organic kernels.
But alas, is there perhaps something beyond beer and popcorn you have to offer me? Perhaps a month ago you could have stated that, despite immense public pressure and despite it being 2016, the Conservative Party of Canada still supported traditional marriage, still supported the family unit, still had the dignity to conserve that which is most precious to any civilization, but no; after the Convention you no longer can manage to conserve even that.
So, what then do you have to offer me “My Home?” I have no home and haven’t for a long time. If you cannot walk into a shop and purchase a product or walk into a restaurant and order a meal because your language is not spoken nor will they employ you for the same reason, then it is not your home.
My livelihood? You mean livelihoods like the ones you celebrated depriving my fellow men of so that the fairer sex could take our place? Perhaps you intend to bring in more new citizens who would not consider hiring me because of the color of my skin.
My future? The future to send my children to a school that will tell them they require mutilating surgeries so that they can become their true selves, or perhaps the future where the government will pay for it?
No, it seems you have little to offer me but beer and popcorn and that is all you have to offer the people of Canada, that is all you have to offer my generation. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps my generation is as vapid and self-absorbed as you believe them to be, and perhaps a little beer and popcorn will convince them to support you en masse.
Then again, perhaps not, and it is as Christ said that “man does not live on beer and popcorn alone.” Perhaps the young, like all people, need something bigger than themselves to believe in. Whatever the case, your beer and popcorn isn’t enough for me to give you my beer and popcorn money. Oh, I will vote for you come election time as the alternative will ensure the beer and popcorn will be gone forevermore, but in the meantime I will do what a good conservative is wont to do and outsource my beer and popcorn to the private sector.